Unequal: not equal; not of the same quantity, quality, value, rank, ability; not adequate, as in amount, power, ability, etc. (usually followed by to): not evenly proportioned or balanced; not having the parts alike uneven or variable in character, quality, etc.
Unequal Relationships - How Long Can They Last?
I have often wondered how long lasting relationships can end abruptly with without any type of repair. I am not a psychology major nor have I studied human behavior, but I have watched and been involved in relationships that suffered an abrupt end without repair; severed; over. I have seen others start out with a ride or die "friend" and years later find that there is no friendship, no relationship. What happened? You have invested years of time and energy into a relationship and it's over. What caused the rift? Do people really change that much, or was something overlooked or tucked away for the sake of having a "relationship" with that person. Were there selfish motives driving the relationship from the beginning? I've pondered this for quite sometime now. I've looked back over my life and for the most part, I still have relationships with some of my grammar school friends; no we don't talk everyday, but we have a mutual respect and some common ground on which we can continue to relate to each other after all these years.
I wonder what causes that breach in relationships that is so wide that it remains unrepairable. I can understand when people betray you or even lie to and on you can cause a separation. However, I have witnessed so many relationships just die, I mean die out. I have seen, I mean, really long time relationships just die on the vine. It made me wonder what was the connection in the first place? What was the relationship built on anyway? Perhaps it time to exam the relationships in our lives to determine what you really have and why? Is there unity in the relationship or is it just a union? Relationships start off on a common ground - something that you have in common with the person and it should grow from that point. If there is a lot of strife, conflict and confusion in your relationship, examine the common ground that brought you together and determine if that foundation is solid enough to continue adding other layers on it. Perhaps it's strong but not strong enough to continue to add more things on the current structure. Sometimes we set higher expectations on other people than they have set for themselves. We can unconsciously set unrealistic expectations from people who are just not capable of delivering anything close to that. It doesn't make them a bad person, just a person; a person that may not belong at that seat where we have seated them. It would be foolish to expect a person to be something or know something that their experience or knowledge base has never encountered. Someone can speak to me in Spanish all day and await my response and they would be waiting for a long time; I don't speak Spanish. I think people of like mind and spirit should determine the level of relationship from the onset. I don't know if people do this consciously or unconsciously but it needs to be done. I have found that most well-traveled individuals have no problem discussing more than surface conversational topics; you will find this behavior also with people who are also well educated as well. There is no pretense with those individuals; they are ok with dialoguing at that level and there is no need to be uncomfortable. But I find if individuals from varying backgrounds often don't see eye to eye on things and can very well lead to relationship conflict.
Here are some areas that may not be equal that could cause differences later on in relationships.
Unequal in Beliefs
Unequal in Understanding
Unequal in Education
Unequal in Exposure
Unequal in Vision
It's not necessary for people to agree on every single thing in order to have a solid, lasting relationship. I actually believe there should be some differences that help balance out the relationship. However, when the differences are major enough to cause a break in the common ground, it's where you begin to have issues. Most people may not give a second thought to when frictions begin to happen between their spouse, their co-workers, their friends, etc. Relating to people, at their level, is what's important to keep any relationships strong and long-lasting.
Here is what is needed to maintain relationships at a functional level that will last.
1. Communication - don't allow misunderstandings to be by-gones; just allowing them to pass without any dialogue when any frictions, misunderstandings, cross-wires, etc take place in the relationship. Anything undealt with will certainly creep up and when it shows up again, it can be fierce and cause a more fatal brunt in the relationship. Deal with it.
2. Honesty - not being open and honest about anything that makes you uncomfortable. If you are in a relationship, you are making investments. Withholding any information that can be detrimental to causing a breach in the relationship. Be Honest and Deal with it.
3. Confrontation - if the relationship is important to you and you determine a problem with your counterpart, you have a responsibility to bring it to their attention. If you care for and about this person, you should have no problem confronting them about something out of line in their life. If you love them, you will let them know. Deal with it.
Good relationships are hard to come by; lasting relationships are even harder to maintain. If it's a valuable relationship you treasure, you will make it happen. If not, it's possible you never had a real relationship in the first place.
